The Weight of an Answer

Yesterday I had another closure conversation with my ex.

The kind where you keep revisiting the same questions, hoping for one missing piece. One sentence that finally makes everything make sense.

Eventually, it did.

Not because the answer was what I wanted, but because it was honest.

Life has handed both of us more than we can currently carry. We have things to process, things to heal from, and roads we need to walk alone. Maybe someday we'll find our way back to friendship.

This morning, I woke up feeling lighter, as if I'd finally set down a suitcase I'd been carrying for months.

And yet, there was still a hole in my heart.

Some clarity.

Some relief.

Some heartbreak.

I still think he was the one.

Maybe there are rooms inside our hearts that remain furnished long after someone moves out.

Fine. I'll Write It Down.

I'm over "what things should be like", what the most popular social media is, whether people will actually read this. 

I need a place to shout into the void, sometimes scream, without putting sacrificial hours, days, weeks, months of time into making it "what people want to see". 

I might share recipes with long back stories, when I get back to wanting to actually eat "normally", regularly again. 

I might share poetry, or should I say my definition of poetry, after having been out of practice for decades since my profound teenage poetry years. I actually like poetic teenage me. We'll get to that. 

...perhaps I will share what a movie, song or "television" series / episode from that series means to me at a particular moment. 

...or how often I cry these days

NOPE, NOPE, NOPE. 

Alright fine, it's probably going to happen because you don't know who I am and that's exactly why I'm here.

I've hit my wall.

If you're here because you've hit yours too, pull up a chair.

2026 has been a poo show for me. I thought the second half would treat me better. Now I'm simply trying to make it through June. 

So, without further ado, let's do this!